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The World's Best Bad Golf Tournament: A Documentary About Bad Golf
 
 
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PLAYER PROFILES > CHEEX FROMAN

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Where are you from?
Chicago, IL

Do you prefer boxers or briefs?
Both, actually a mid length boxer brief with a non chaffing element added to the fabric. the friction i produce while walking eighteen could melt lead.

What do you do for a living?
produce the best tasting sausage money can buy

How long have you been playing golf?
off and on since '92 or '93, well actually i guess it was '94 that i really got into it. wait i worked the summer of '94 and didn't have time to play a lot of golf. see i was working as a landscaper and sealed driveways on the side, see that's how i got into sausage.

If you could pick a dream foursome, who would be in it?
tiger, Daley-Richard M. that is, and a proctologist.

Who are your personal heroes?
my mom and dad, they introduced me to sausage. or was it my grandpa? he loved sausage. he'd grill out all the time, well actually my grandma did the cooking. my grandpa sat in his chair, smoked his pipe and yelled at us when we went to change the channel. he'd wait all day for a cubs game to come on, he'd watch crap all day long just so he wouldn't miss the start of a cubs game. that's why my closets are so organized.

What's your favorite food?
sausage, fried, then grilled. yellow mustard and a soft bun, but not too soft. if a bun is too soft it gives the impression the meat is not substantial, you know like a sausage you'd get in a cafeteria at a school where they teach idiots how to read. you know the people i'm talking about. the kind of people that drive real slow when they're looking for a parking spot even though there's a line of cars behind them. those are the kind of people that should just pay to park in a garage. i wish i owned a helicopter.

Are congruent parts of congruent triangles congruent?
when i hear triangle, i think about that time i went to a concert at alpine valley.

Republicans or democrats? Or Nader?
Ditka.

What professional golfer are you most like? Why?
Darren Clarke. ooh it's starting to rain outside.

What's your favorite color?
orange

What's the strongest part of your golf game?
my hips

Blondes or brunettes?
as long as she can muscle down my signature sausage, she could be bald for all i care. she could even have one of those crazy eyes, you know the kind of crazy eye that makes you think they can do magic.

What's the weakest part of your golf game?
my ankles, always been an ankle bender. i'd love to skate on a pond or something, but i'll end up dropping like a house-a-cards.

What do you think is the biggest problem currently facing our world?
vegetarians

What will you do with the $250,000 if you win?
open up my own pizza parlor. gotta have a signature pie for my signature sausage.

Is Al Doermaet a.) brilliant b.) crazy c.) the dumbest f&%#@* guy you've ever seen d.) all of the above? Why?
who's al?

What's your favorite movie (other than handicapped)?
Meatballs, balls of meat, could it get any better.

Note: These answers, submitted in writing by Mr. Froman, have not been edited or altered in any way. Please excuse any typos or factual inconsistencies.

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